Eye in the Sky

Anonymous (probably my Dad) has requested another Blog. I have been MAD busy at work this week, so haven't had the time to write one. I'm 6th in line at customer service at Tekserve to get my laptop fixed. It's going crazy and it's brand new. So I'm writing this blog in the store on one of their floor models.

Yesterday on the train home, I saw a very unusual sunset. I didn't have my trusty Cybershot on me to capture the view, but I shall attempt to explain it verbally, which will do it no justice. There was an EYE in the SKY. The clouded sky had decided to let loose a terrible storm, after waiting all day, undecided on whether or not it wanted to. But it did, and it was a 20 min doozy. Our office is close to the Empire State Building, and one lightining bolt probably hit the damn thing. Our whole entire office building shook, I could feel it through the floor. It sounded like 1,000 dump trucks filled with mercury were dropped from the moon, and landed just outside the window. Scarred the bejesus out of us. But on the train, going over the Williamsburg Bridge, The grey sky slit open, in the shape of an eye. In the center of the slit, just like a pupil, sat the setting, golden sun. It really looked just like a giant orange eyeball in the sky. But what was interesting about it ( other than it looked like a big eyeball) was that it was LOOKING at me. The rays of the sun were projected forward, directly out, as if this giant sentient being in the clouds had laser vision. Like Cyclops. It was incredibly cool.

MAN it's nice outside!

This past week has bestowed upon all of us here in NYC, a slew of fucking amazing weather. Yesterday it was 86 degrees out. I woke early, as I'm oft to do now that I work from 9 to 5, stepped outside, turned immediatley around and back into the apartment, disrobed my leather coat AND my bag that I carry with me always, in favor of a more carefree feeling.

It totally worked.

Walking around on a nice day with nothing on you but your keys and your cell phone in your pocket is liberating....especially for me, who always is carrying some sort of bag in stow. In the middle of the day, it was so hot in the office, that I just simply HAD to go get a large chocolate milkshake around the corner. It lasted all of 5 minutes.

Now that I have insisted on coming in at 9 and leaving at 5 (to avoid the evening F train rush) I was on the train when the sun was just setting. I stood with my forehead against the window, looking out over the East river while crossing it on the J train and feeling pretty good. I like to stand at the door, which causes no clutter at this hour, so that when the door opens, I get hit in the face with the warm air rushing in from the outside.

Against the door, one door down from me was a young woman. The sun was getting lower in the sky, turning more golden as the minutes passed, and the light was falling upon her face in a very pleasing manner. But even more pleasing was the shadow outlining my favorite body part of the female. The clavicle. YES, the clavicle. There is nothing more sexy to me than those two thin bones stretching from the sternum to the shoulders. That little dip it makes just below the throat. I glanced around the subway to see if anyone else's clavicle was as favorable or close. But she had the best clavicle of them all. It was almost as sexy as this one HERE.

So who's with me on this clavicle thing, anyone? I'm also quite fond of ankles.

...except by donkey

That's Sue 


First, I'd like to thank all my friends that rallied to my side to make me feel better and provide me with outside opinions on the matter discussed in my recent blog.

But I feel, due to my feelings of the moment some of my text might have been misconstrued. And I do want to be fair. That lovely creature in the photo above is my previous girlfriend Sue. Some of you might know her. Now it's true she has found someone else as of late, and that they are visiting the area. And it is true that I offered my humble abode to their use. However, apparent in my little sister's comment, I see that I might have given the impression that this was requested. It was not. Now, this does not change how I felt at the moment of writing that blog. I know now, after further exploration of said feelings, that it is best that I do not meet this new guy, and I won't be doing so. I have no desire for it. And after a further discussion with my relationship guru, who I shall refer to as "Dirty D!", he seems to think that the comments in the previous blog at question, were more geared towards the "But why...would you offer this, you have no obligation to her...."

But don't I? I actually believe that I do have that obligation. I shared my life with Sue for almost three years. I care for her still, and would never wish her ill will. She was always kind and caring, and in the end, it was the best thing for both of us to seperate. I had become too focused on my own goals, and cared nothing for hers. She was homesick, and still in the process of solidifying her own life wishes. Our own aspirations seemed to be the divide between us which grew until it was no longer crossable....except for many days by donkey.

And I know at the end of it all...it was I who was the ASS, most of the time.

So I think, as long as I am not here, and I don't have to see this guy, I will let the offer stand. Because we shared this house once....and many other things which I won't forget. If I can help her out and give her a place to stay while she's here, I'd like to think it's the right thing to do.

She is, after all, a great gal.

Monday

I don't like Monday's.

After 6 weeks of working at a job that has provided me with only promises of payment, a lot of work, and the expense of a new computer, I'm finally beginning to get annoyed. I like this job, I do. Because the oppotunity to travel to places I would have no other way of seeing for quite some time is TOO great to pass up.

I thought about baggin it today though. I really did. I thought to myself, just quit today and go sit in the park. I could get a job that meant nothing except money and be happier. But I didn't, Instead I went into work earlier, so I could leave earlier. I have come to far in this to just quit. The contract is signed, the invoice for payment is out there (somewhere) so It shouldn't be that much longer. One more month of hard, excrutiatingly complex work, and I should be on the cusp of leaving the country on and off for the next 5 months, going to places like Iceland, Belize, Africa, and Thailand.

So yeah.....I'm sticking it out. Even if I just get to go to a few of them, it's worth it. When would I have the opportunity other than this to go to all those places? Not for a long time, if ever.

But I still don't like Monday's

I am a mean person

So it has been almost 4 months since I broke up with my girlfriend of almost 3 years. In this time period our calls were few and far between, understandibly so, because we were both figuring things out. It came to my attention recently (via evil-mail) that she has since found another person to spend her time with. I believed I was ready for this conversation, to discuss our relationships with other people.

Well....I was dead wrong. I got off the phone and felt just plain bad. Now I will do something I am not prone to do often, and that is to be mean and make fun of him on purpose. First things first. His name is Ranald Ives Cummings. Normally, I might pity the fool, but in this scenario, I laugh at his ridiculous name. He is the lead singer of a band called the Walnut Street Gang. And you know what...they suck. I've never liked punk, and I like this a lot less than I like most punk. Which is a lot. Maybe the fact that he's a lead singer of a band just pisses me off, because I always thought I could be a lead singer of a band, but I'm not. For some reason I have a strong desire to quickly pursue this goal and then blow his pants off at some Battle of the Bands.

Where is all this animosity coming from? I don't know, but it's there. I've never even met the guy. But just knowing that he's with the woman that was the other half of ME for close to three years makes me feel gross. I didn't compare her to any of the "romantic exploits" as they can only be desribed, that I have had since we seperated, but I couldn't help feel that she was secretly pointing out, the various ways of how he is better than me. And I just don't like how that makes me feel.

And to top it all off, he's an actor or something too. He wants to move to NY or something ( to make it big as an actor? Good luck with that one! ), and they will be here for a few days next month. And she wants to see me, and I'm sure he's part of that package. Well, I'm not even sure I'm going to be in the country then, so I offered my place to them (read HER) to stay at. Honestly, I hope I'm not here, so I don't have to look at his face and pretend to be nice. Because even though he has done me no ill will, and is probably a perfectly normal person, I have a feeling I will punch him in the face.

Alright, alright! I won't punch him in the face, but just thinking about it makes me feel a little better.

Hey...thanks Blog. Your the best!

I want some OFFSPRING too!

Violet Dove + Mom 


I'm pretty sure having a child is going to be the highlight of my life. I have always wanted children, actually, I have always wanted children pretty badly. You know what would be ideal? If my future wife had a job she was really commited too, that paid some good cash and I got to stay home with the kids. I want to be Mr. Mom. 220, 221, whatever it TAKES!

I am extremely jealous of my cousin Jane. That's her up top there, with my new favorite family member, Violet Dove Scott-Lavezoli. How's THAT for a name!! I got to spend a full day with her this weekend, and it was awesome! I got to feed her, burp her, put her to sleep ( which apparently is a dificult thing to do cold ) keep her entertained.....we even had a false alarm poopy diaper!!

She was like, the best puzzle in the world. I mean, your child can't communicate except to cry, fuss, laugh, blow spit bubbles.....belch. That's their language. But there are different sounds to it, nuances. This elongated whine....that means she's hungry. Getting fussy and making, uh, uh, sounds, rubbing here eyes in your shoulder......you guessed it....she's tired. Time for a nap. After the nap she's hungry, then she gets a bit fussy.....that's where the burpin comes in. If she isn't tired, or hungry, she probably needs to be changed......or you make funny faces at her until she laughs and drools to great joy. I preferred the latter.

My friend Shannon has a 6 month old, Pascal, (probably closer to 7 now) and we both got Web Cams, so I can see him....and HE can see ME too. Now that's DAMN cool. He's in Florida, and I can make funny faces, and the kid will actually laugh. Who out there is saying technology is bad? I'll argue that one. What a great way for friends and family to keep in touch. OHHHHHHH! that reminds me. I've been wanting to post this website on HAND ACTING. The video section had me rolling with laughter, it's really amazing what they can do. It's hard tho, I tried some of it. Not as easy as it looks, it would take some training fo SHO!

I am also, REALLY going to put more effort into the blogging. I got some good advice yesterday from a pro blogger. Just keep on it....if you don't keep on it, people wont come back often or at all. He's in the works for a BOOK deal.....that's a shout out to all of you out there who say blogs are ridiculous!! This guy is gonna make money on it! Granted, that's what he does...he's a writer. But let's not discourage ourselves. I've read his blog (not as religously as I could have) It's hilarious. I can't wait for the book.

I'm feeling the blog start to rant a bit. As BOOB JINGLE has commented, I type as fast as my brain thinks. I think what he was talking about, was I sometimes think very fast, I get caught away in a thought....I digress very easily and to great speed.

I'm going to go get a cookie.

A moment

Have you ever had one of those moments? A moment where you thought to yourself, “right now…right now, this…..is good?”

I have been wanting to feel that for a while now. I thought to myself, maybe, I have felt this and I missed it. What if I didn’t try to keep it going long enough? What if I can’t get it back again?

After a certain amount of time though, you stop looking for it. And when your not trying, and you don’t care anymore, it sneaks right up on you and smacks you in the face. Hey…remember ME! I’m not gone, I’m right here, and have been the whole time you FOOL!

While it’s happening, you feel it in your body. It runs through you like electricity. You can’t think straight. Your mind is racing a mile a minute. But when it’s over, and it’s gone, all you want is more. I want to feel THAT again! I want to feel it ALL THE TIME!

I think it takes a moment like that for you to put yourself into perspective, to realize who you are, and what’s important to you. And man….it feels pretty good. It feels great.

You ever feel like that?

Your comments have inspired me to comment

It's funny, after my roomate read my last blog, he laughed at the dichotomy of the paragraph on Achilles and then furniture. Bob Jingle (aka Brantley, aka Boob Jingle) also seemed bewildered of my comparison, but of film and furniture.

Allow me to elaborate, if I may ( and I will.) There are many forms of artistic expression in our culture, and have been since the beginning of man. Cave drawings for example, still exist today. Isn't that amazing, that even before man developed a spoken language, he was already communicating and leaving his mark. However simple they may be, Neanderthal man still had something to say. Cave paintings are like, on page one, of my art history book. That's where this art thing all started. It's about communication and expression, self understanding and understanding others.

Now, let us skip way ahead. The Greeks made a lot of beautiful pottery, we've all seen it in a photo or museum. But pottery, while a beautiful and lovely art, isn't a medium that lasts very long through the ages. Neither is papyrus. I only recall seeing a few scrolls, and I believe, and I'm totally guessing, that the circumstances of their survival was always out of the ordinary. Like they were hidden in a pot that was sealed in a tomb, that was buried under the earth, protected from the bad for art but good for human's element, oxygen.

Anything glass is tough to preserve over the years, unless it's well looked after, and behind more glass, or on the inside of a building such as the Met. And as in my example, Theatre has no stay power at all. Sure we can film a live piece and throw it on a DVD and bury THAT in the ground, but it's not the same thing. Dance is totally lost, just like theatre.

Film actually isn't probably one either...yet....but I know Martin Scorsese and his team is working on it. Restoring old prints and preserving the ones we have. I don't believe I'm making any stretch when I say that the preservation of film will always be moving forward and extending the life of this wonderful medium. I'm sure one day we'll have computers the size of marbles that contain all the info of the human race, like a big Encyclopedia, that we just hold in our hands and enjoy.

And furniture is a great medium as well. For some reason I can't link stuff when I type these out on my mac laptop, but I'll try to hop on here when I get home and link some examples of all this stuff. I love furniture, as an art form and as an heirloom. Someone made that 13th century writing desk. They made it with their hands, with hand tools. They probably labored for months on that piece, and when they were done, it was probably either sold to the wealthy, or presented as a gift to a family member. And over the centuries, like one of my favorite movies of all time, The Red Violin, that desk had adventures. And that desk is siiting in front of me.....and I'm looking at it...and thinking of all this stuff and sayin to myself, "yeah....now isn't that cool? I want to make something that will last like that!"

Which was the point of the whole thing. I want to make something that will last. Something that other people in the far distant future will get to see and appreciate. Anything is possible. I made a pretty nice bureau once, took me 8 days. I'm pretty sure it won't last, I didn't use glue in case I ever had to dissasemble it for moving.

I think I'll do a chair next.

MAN....now THAT'S a blog!

So sorry. Haven't written a new blog in a while, because GUESS WHAT....I have a job now. I have been hired as the Associate producer for a television show about travel. The show is called Destination, and you can see snipits of the pilot on the production comapnies website. I am learning very quickly that the film world is very similar to the TV world, with one exception....getting paid is more difficult. I can't get paid until the company gets paid, the company can't get paid until the network signs the contract, and contracts....take FOREVER.

I don't mind (little white lie) because at least I get up at a normal time now and come into work and do stuff. It has done wonders for my self esteem. The money is decent, it will be a lot of work, but I like being the second in command, and what I like even more than that is traveling for free. Also, there's a photographer who shares our office. He is really cool, shoots celebrities, Len's website is here....take a gander, he totally rocks.

But what I really want to talk about is film. I realized some things about myself. Or rather, re-realized in more clarity than before, why I want to do what it is I want to do.

I watched The Grudge this weekend. And man oh MAN was it scary. Now, I personally am not prone to being afraid. Last time I remember seeing a movie that frightened me it was The Blair Witch Project. I sat through that entire movie with my knuckles turning white, slowly sinking into my chair for safety. It was the kind of tense fear that never released itself. That is until my best friend Greg decided, upon exiting the back door of the theatre into a dark wooded walkway, to scream at me from behind. I released then , if I recall correctly, with a scream of terror and violent shove in his direction. I still was in those woods on the screen, even after I had left the movie. But back to The Grudge, I won't tell you anything about the movie itself, i would actually love to hear how some of you perceived it. But I will tell you what happened while I was watching it. The hair on my arms stood on end for at LEAST half the movie. I had goose bumps. I was praying that somewhere, at some point it would let up and give me a break, but it never came. There were several points when I jumped in terror, and cringed from a sound. I had to watch 45mins of real television (the end of Apollo 13) just to be ok enough to get to my dark room and hop into bed.

Before that I watched Troy. Of course, a total different movie experience. We all know the story of Helena of Troy, the face that launched a thousand ships. We know the story of Troy's mighty Prince Hector, the evil Agemmemnon, and the mightiest warrior of his time, Achilles. the movie itself was decent, some good action sequences, some great performances. I was more interested in the actor that played hector than I was of Brad Pitt. But what drove Achilles to do what he did struck a cord with me. He wanted to be remembered. He wanted to leave his mark in history. This is why he fought so well, he fought for glory.

The next day I watched a 35min documentary called Cosmic Voyage, narrated by Morgan Freeman. It was released in 1996 in Imax theatres. It was about the scope of the Universe. It visually explored our Universe from the smallest level of quarks, that make up protons and electrons, to the atoms, to DNA, to us and everything on our planet......out into space....past our solar system, past our galaxy, past our closest neighboring stars....all the way to the edge of the visible galaxy.....15 BILLION light years away. And the universe is expanding still. It was very interesting.

It was interesting and of course, humbling. I thought to myself, CHRIST ALMIGHTY, what's the point of it all?? We are nothing in the grand scheme of things. Does anything we do mean anything at all? How could it...we are sooooo fucking small!!

But I snapped out of it. Because we ARE here, and we have to treat every moment like it's our last. We have to live life to the fullest and do everything we can do to accomplish what it is that each one of us wants to do in our lifetime. Whatever that may be. You have to try your damndest, you have to give it your all, and you can never give up....NEVER. I think if you do that....no matter what the outcome, you have succeeded. I want to write and direct films, because I want to share my worlds, my imagination with people. Maybe make there hair on their arms stand up. Or their mouths drop in awe, a slight gasp of wonder escaping their lips. I want to effect people and make them think about there lives and think about the things they've done...the things they have yet to do. I want to crack open that heavy wooden lid that some people have keeping there imagination, creativity, and suspension of disbelief from exploding out into the faces of those they love. I want them to forget about how small we all are, forget about their problems. Then, when the movies over I hope they share their thoughts with those around them.

It's true, like Achilles, I believe I also seek to "carve my name in the stone," I seek to somehow secure my place in history. If I were to choose, as an artist. Film and furniture are two arts that I enjoy, because unlike theatre for example, they are made to last......I've seen some desks from the 13th century that look mint condition. That is truly amazing.

But In the end.....I think i'll just be happy if I give it everything I've got. After all, I believe the only thing that CAN stop you from your dreams..... is yourself.