Thursday, April 14, 2005

I am a mean person

So it has been almost 4 months since I broke up with my girlfriend of almost 3 years. In this time period our calls were few and far between, understandibly so, because we were both figuring things out. It came to my attention recently (via evil-mail) that she has since found another person to spend her time with. I believed I was ready for this conversation, to discuss our relationships with other people.

Well....I was dead wrong. I got off the phone and felt just plain bad. Now I will do something I am not prone to do often, and that is to be mean and make fun of him on purpose. First things first. His name is Ranald Ives Cummings. Normally, I might pity the fool, but in this scenario, I laugh at his ridiculous name. He is the lead singer of a band called the Walnut Street Gang. And you know what...they suck. I've never liked punk, and I like this a lot less than I like most punk. Which is a lot. Maybe the fact that he's a lead singer of a band just pisses me off, because I always thought I could be a lead singer of a band, but I'm not. For some reason I have a strong desire to quickly pursue this goal and then blow his pants off at some Battle of the Bands.

Where is all this animosity coming from? I don't know, but it's there. I've never even met the guy. But just knowing that he's with the woman that was the other half of ME for close to three years makes me feel gross. I didn't compare her to any of the "romantic exploits" as they can only be desribed, that I have had since we seperated, but I couldn't help feel that she was secretly pointing out, the various ways of how he is better than me. And I just don't like how that makes me feel.

And to top it all off, he's an actor or something too. He wants to move to NY or something ( to make it big as an actor? Good luck with that one! ), and they will be here for a few days next month. And she wants to see me, and I'm sure he's part of that package. Well, I'm not even sure I'm going to be in the country then, so I offered my place to them (read HER) to stay at. Honestly, I hope I'm not here, so I don't have to look at his face and pretend to be nice. Because even though he has done me no ill will, and is probably a perfectly normal person, I have a feeling I will punch him in the face.

Alright, alright! I won't punch him in the face, but just thinking about it makes me feel a little better.

Hey...thanks Blog. Your the best!


Mark V. said...

Dude! I didn't know you guys broke up - oh yeah, we haven't really talked in a long time... anyhow - OF COURSE YOU'RE ANGRY. Stupid lead singer. I can't belive you offered them your place though. Why don't you just stick splinters under your nails too. Was that the part of you that wanted to be a good guy? Or do you want to get on her good side and win her back? I don't know, I've got opinions. The other thing is - I think the healthy thing is to not meet this guy. Why should you meet this guy? That seems twisted and painful and like something that might make HER feel better, but what about YOU. And what about ME! I don't think you should have to meet him, and I'll be really upset if you put on the "nice supportive guy face" and go do sushi with them. I hope my opinions aren't too opinionated - it's just that I have been in a relationship and in couples therapy and group therapy (as a lifestyle and reltionship choice) for 4 years, and I've come to believe that the whole "staying friends thing", often times, can be very destructive. Anyhow, I hate to think of you playing the nice guy at dinner, at the expense of your own feelings. Ok, I'm done now. I'm sure that was very helpful, because I am really smart.

Ian Savage said...

Hahaha. Christ mark, talk about a comment...keep em comin. So far your the winner. I wish I was as smart as you. and YEAH! I don't think I DO want to see him.

Right mark? You tell em!

Your so wise.

Bob Jingle said...

I do think it would be funny if you punched him in the face though while screaming punk-rock anthems like, "God Save the Queen, bitch!" But then he would probably take his guitar and smash you across the face a la Pete Townshend. Because he's THAT punk.

But wait, Ian, didn't you tell me that your ex-girlfriend sometimes reads this? Isn't this blog a passive-aggressive way to get back at her?

ps. Hi Mark. I also don't think he should meet this fool or let them stay at his house.

Ian Savage said...

I don't think about who might read this anymore. I used to. In the early stages of the blog I refrained from posting stuff specifically in fear that my Grandma....IF she happened to read it, would think of me in some less way. That applied to my poarents too.

But you know what. I am an adult, and shit happens, and if I want to talk about something...I'm gonna.

Can I be passive-agressive? Yes. Do I think this is passive-agressive towards her. No. Do I still dislike punk? Even more than yesterday.

Marie said...

That has to be the silliest thing in the world. Darn, OF COURSE you are writhing on the floor with jealousy and hatred and bitterness. She was your girl for 3 years! You loved her! You love her still, of course - maybe differently, maybe not; but you can't expect to be all chipper at the idea to have (what's his name? Ronald? Hihihi) her new (in)significant other in your apartment. I would punch him, I really would. Then I would trample him a little with those new good-looking boots. Then maybe I'd spit on the bloodied corpse.

Don't feel bad. You aren't mean. You've got pride, you've got a heart, YOU'RE HUMAN! YAY!

Anyway, don't meet him. What next? You want to attend their wedding? No no. You aren't there yet. Some day maybe... but time hasn't gone by enough under the bridge (whatever that phrase is.)

I sympathize. I'd feel the same. Let it all out, Ian!

Ian Savage said...

Hey...thanks Marie....I can always count on you for an honest, passionate, and very French response.

I AM gonna let it all out. I am UPSET about the whole situation. I don't like talking about her current whatever he is. I feeling lonely. I am upset that she left me because I have goals and know what they are. I am upset because she said I was being selfish, and It was true. I want kids, but don't have any. I want to meet new people, but I don't go out enough cause I'm nervous. I want someone to find ME instead of the other way around. I'd like to kiss someone soon. I want to travel. I want to move to San Francisco and get a BFA in Animation and Visual FX. I want to not be broke.

Yeah....again....that is really helpful. :)

shawn, shawn, bo bawn said...

from time to time i read your blog and feel an inkling to leave a comment, but this one was a must....DON'T DO IT!!! she is not your girlfriend anymore and even though you still care about her, it is not your responsiblity to take care of her and that cheap, tight wad of a new boyfriend needs to take the responsibility and flip for the hotel bill. that is asking WAY TOO MUCH to put them up, she/they were not thinking of you and how it would make you feel or even how it would inconvience you in the least. i hope you don't do it. you always speak up for yourself and tell it like it is so get on that!

AwP said...

I agree completely with Shawn, let them sleep in a tent in Central Park or whatever. I understand the ill will brotha... totally rational hatred.

Mr. Spelling said...

You oftentimes misspell words, leading to confusion.

What are poarents?
"Your" is not a contraction for "you are".
"desribed".. ?

Take comfort in the fact that if she does come here and read your blog (note: your used correctly), she may not understand what ideas you are trying to communicate.

Susan Mann said...

Well, there you are Greg and Ian, and my friend Mark V, Marie and Shawn and all the others. Living here in Ian's blog. Splendid.

I have enjoyed reading this, but wish to comment, also. What's up with you guys?

Ian, I did appreciate your offering me a place to stay while visiting, but did not intend to take you up on the offer, because I would never wish to make you feel uncomfortable, nor risk the disfigurement of Ran's pretty face.

Might I have been able to continue a communicating friendship with you, had I merely dated some other member of 'the group' upon our breaking up? It seemed to work for everyone else. Mmm, perhaps by finding companionship outside of the East Lyme community, I have placed myself in further scrutiny still.

Oh Ian. Even if I can't read your journals anymore, I can always rest assured that I will find some written account of ways I have proved displeasing to you.

Oh, and if any of my NYC friends wish to meet up with me while I'm in town, I would be delighted. I see however, that rather than replying to my e-mail, we all just talk here! Good to know.


Oooh, Susan again said...

Oooh, can I say something else?

You, through your comments, have all been terrific and supportive friends of Ian's. Kudos. Ian is a good friend, and I know he's been cutting himself free of a difficult year.

However, if I may just clarify, Ian was kind enough to offer to share his apartment while I visited. I didn't ask him, and therefore wish to be freed from the accusation of being inconsiderate. Yes? Good?

And now, I must begin to seek out camping gear, in preparation for my stay in Central Park. Hmm, I think we'll pitch a tent in the vacinity of the boat pond, if anyone wishes to call. You silly bunch of jerks.

Good Day. I said Good Day!


AwP said...

Do I respond to other posters through this format? My big mouth says, YES MAN!

First, Susan, I suggest Eastern Mountain Sports since they always seem to have some over-priced camping junk and should be able to help. Second, I know that I threw you under the bus on my last post and I stand by it as Ian is my friend and he is hurting. As a result and in my undying and unwaning loyalty to Ian, I am just trying to help him by suggesting what I think would be the best for him and his life.

Feel free to push me in front of moving traffic upon your visit to the City.

Anonymous said...

Will do, Prior. Cheers.

Ian Savage said...

Dear Mr. Spelling,

I am a bad typist. Fast, but unreliable with my hunting and pecking.



shannon bouillaud said...

hey ian savage...i've been away in france for a while and just returned. reading over your blog stuff..and comments as well..i am so laughing at all the chatter between everyone and susan. sounds like lunch in the cafeteria of east lyme elementary, with of course better vocabulary. it's hard when all of your friends are friends, and all from the same town. a tight spider web that you seem to be all rolled up in. i didn't go that route and feel very free as an outcast of this disgusting society we call "under god" with president bush at the right hand side of the father. the world is too big to dig yourself a hole in brooklyn. if you do..put a picture of your polite old girlfriend in it and leave it to rest. time goes so fast. you just had a birthday (by the way happy b-day) as you (we) slowly climb the ladder to our 30's. breakups are hard but you have to be harder and understand that when it's over there is no looking back. time to start a new life ian. i say move somewhere to start fresh with new faces and a different outlook on life. stop backtracking with someone that has obviously moved on, as you should too. no need for sharing though. bad idea to detour into her new life, or her to yours. know that you are loved by stonger vibes and leave the weak ones to disappear into the can be so good. join the circus like me, or go live with my brother in san fran. and work on special fx together. love ya. sad to see you get pulled through this.

Anonymous said...

Hi, Ian I found this post randomly when searching for Walnut Street Gang. I thought it was really funny that you hate Ran and my old band.

Ian Savage said...

It IS funny isn't it. Nothing was personal wasn't it. I heard the band is kaput? Any new bands on the horizon?

Anonymous said...

yeah but since you don't like music you wouldn't like it. We were never really into whinny music, which I'm assuming by your blog is your style.

Ian Savage said...

mmmm. touche. Although, assuming you are really a musician, I'd be a bit more hesitant to be commenting on someone else's taste of music. Then again, not man enough to post your name pretty much says it all to me.