MAN....now THAT'S a blog!

So sorry. Haven't written a new blog in a while, because GUESS WHAT....I have a job now. I have been hired as the Associate producer for a television show about travel. The show is called Destination, and you can see snipits of the pilot on the production comapnies website. I am learning very quickly that the film world is very similar to the TV world, with one exception....getting paid is more difficult. I can't get paid until the company gets paid, the company can't get paid until the network signs the contract, and contracts....take FOREVER.

I don't mind (little white lie) because at least I get up at a normal time now and come into work and do stuff. It has done wonders for my self esteem. The money is decent, it will be a lot of work, but I like being the second in command, and what I like even more than that is traveling for free. Also, there's a photographer who shares our office. He is really cool, shoots celebrities, Len's website is here....take a gander, he totally rocks.

But what I really want to talk about is film. I realized some things about myself. Or rather, re-realized in more clarity than before, why I want to do what it is I want to do.

I watched The Grudge this weekend. And man oh MAN was it scary. Now, I personally am not prone to being afraid. Last time I remember seeing a movie that frightened me it was The Blair Witch Project. I sat through that entire movie with my knuckles turning white, slowly sinking into my chair for safety. It was the kind of tense fear that never released itself. That is until my best friend Greg decided, upon exiting the back door of the theatre into a dark wooded walkway, to scream at me from behind. I released then , if I recall correctly, with a scream of terror and violent shove in his direction. I still was in those woods on the screen, even after I had left the movie. But back to The Grudge, I won't tell you anything about the movie itself, i would actually love to hear how some of you perceived it. But I will tell you what happened while I was watching it. The hair on my arms stood on end for at LEAST half the movie. I had goose bumps. I was praying that somewhere, at some point it would let up and give me a break, but it never came. There were several points when I jumped in terror, and cringed from a sound. I had to watch 45mins of real television (the end of Apollo 13) just to be ok enough to get to my dark room and hop into bed.

Before that I watched Troy. Of course, a total different movie experience. We all know the story of Helena of Troy, the face that launched a thousand ships. We know the story of Troy's mighty Prince Hector, the evil Agemmemnon, and the mightiest warrior of his time, Achilles. the movie itself was decent, some good action sequences, some great performances. I was more interested in the actor that played hector than I was of Brad Pitt. But what drove Achilles to do what he did struck a cord with me. He wanted to be remembered. He wanted to leave his mark in history. This is why he fought so well, he fought for glory.

The next day I watched a 35min documentary called Cosmic Voyage, narrated by Morgan Freeman. It was released in 1996 in Imax theatres. It was about the scope of the Universe. It visually explored our Universe from the smallest level of quarks, that make up protons and electrons, to the atoms, to DNA, to us and everything on our planet......out into space....past our solar system, past our galaxy, past our closest neighboring stars....all the way to the edge of the visible galaxy.....15 BILLION light years away. And the universe is expanding still. It was very interesting.

It was interesting and of course, humbling. I thought to myself, CHRIST ALMIGHTY, what's the point of it all?? We are nothing in the grand scheme of things. Does anything we do mean anything at all? How could it...we are sooooo fucking small!!

But I snapped out of it. Because we ARE here, and we have to treat every moment like it's our last. We have to live life to the fullest and do everything we can do to accomplish what it is that each one of us wants to do in our lifetime. Whatever that may be. You have to try your damndest, you have to give it your all, and you can never give up....NEVER. I think if you do that....no matter what the outcome, you have succeeded. I want to write and direct films, because I want to share my worlds, my imagination with people. Maybe make there hair on their arms stand up. Or their mouths drop in awe, a slight gasp of wonder escaping their lips. I want to effect people and make them think about there lives and think about the things they've done...the things they have yet to do. I want to crack open that heavy wooden lid that some people have keeping there imagination, creativity, and suspension of disbelief from exploding out into the faces of those they love. I want them to forget about how small we all are, forget about their problems. Then, when the movies over I hope they share their thoughts with those around them.

It's true, like Achilles, I believe I also seek to "carve my name in the stone," I seek to somehow secure my place in history. If I were to choose, as an artist. Film and furniture are two arts that I enjoy, because unlike theatre for example, they are made to last......I've seen some desks from the 13th century that look mint condition. That is truly amazing.

But In the end.....I think i'll just be happy if I give it everything I've got. After all, I believe the only thing that CAN stop you from your dreams..... is yourself.